Twitter killed my blog

It looks like I haven’t posted anything here since January 24th. So I’ll start by thanking everyone who has been checking this site daily since my last post. Daily. None of you weekly-checking sons of bitches.

That reminds me – I think my new favorite phrase is “Son of a…” It’s child friendly. It gets some anger out while not including the actual curse, and it doesn’t sound lame. This is rare. If one attempts to repress a curse in another manner, he or she might be found exclaiming, “Oh poopy!” or “Fiddlesticks!” That shit will get you slapped.

So I’ve come to realize that I forgot about my blog because of Twitter. I joined Twitter in February, so it’s likely the cause. On the big T-bird, as I just decided to call it, I post random thoughts or links to articles daily. Previously, I probably would have blogged about a few of these ideas. What is disconcerting here is that I now realize that my thoughts can actually be expressed in 140 characters or less. I guess they’re not very elaborate. Ha.

If you’re wondering why I’m on Twitter, then you probably aren’t on it. If you are on Twitter, you’ve probably found that there is something there for everyone. I joined in order to learn more about advertising from industry professionals. Recently, however, I’m following more of a sophisticated crowd – people who make jokes about stuff like poop, sex and Tiger Woods. Some of these guys/girls are better than others. (Sween, for example, is brilliant and has a billion followers.) Making people laugh in 140 characters or less is an art, and fortunately for me, learning this art will only help in developing my copywriting skills. Headline writing must often be short and punchy. I read jokes and consider it work-related is what I’m saying here.

So that’s why I haven’t blogged since January. On Twitter, I can learn a lot and express my thoughts in a more condensed manner. It’s easier to write a quick line on the big T-bird than to write a long blog post like this. In closing, this entire post likely could have been summed up in a quick line. “Twitter killed my blog. Son of a…”

Black presidents

Well, since I last posted, the  name of the hardcore punk rock group Black President lost some of its “edge.” I won’t blame them for not thinking ahead, since I didn’t see this coming in 2005 either. I’ll just laugh at them in my head for trying to be hardcore with a name that now packs as much punch as Pink Eraser. Maybe they should have gone with something more fail-proof, like Parakeet President.

Speaking of black presidents and unintelligent decisions: Isiah Thomas.

The first few weeks of 2009 have shown that everyone on God’s green earth was correct in labeling former New York Knicks president and coach Isiah Thomas inadequate and ignorant. New Knicks president Donnie Walsh and Coach Mike D’Antoni have done everything Thomas wouldn’t do and everything Knicks fans wanted to do all along. Stephon Marbury was replaced by a pass-first point guard in Chris Duhon, cap space was cleared for 2010, and David Lee was given a starting spot and more minutes. Going into tonight’s game against the Sixers, the Knicks are 19-24. Last season, they finished 23-59. “I can’t expect [the fans] to understand the game the way I understand it or see it the way we see it,” said Coach Thomas last season. Turns out the fans understood the game better all along.

Fortunately, the unintelligent black president was merely the president of  a sports franchise.  A highly intelligent black president is the leader of our great nation.  Everyone – even punk rock supergroup Black President – should be thankful for that.

Continuing a tradition

Every December here at My Thoughts are like Champagne, I like to provide some help to those last minute thinkers who have yet to come up with a resolution for the upcoming year. This year’s resolution idea was inspired by my friend – a creative director for a new media company in the philanthropy field. Her company, which I’ll call Asdfghjkl;’ for privacy purposes, works to inspire donors to make a difference. Asdfghjkl;’ is committed to social change and aims to make an impact in the lives of others.

This year, I propose that you lend a helping hand to a stranger. For anyone who does not know me, please write me a quick comment if you can set me up with a job as an advertising copywriter, junior copywriter or copywriting assistant. I am a hard working, ambitious, talented, outgoing and whatever else the position requires. Actually, scratch outgoing. I am not very good in social situations, so it would be best if you could just sit me behind a computer in a small cubicle with little human interaction so that I can kick up my Nikes on a desk and scribble down some big ideas. A window would be nice.

If you do not have the means to get me a job as an advertising copywriter, the next best option might be to provide a helping hand at a local food pantry or to give money to a charitable organization such as Make a Wish.

What this is is it’s a rant

I have a way for you to use fewer words in your sentences:

Stop beginning stories with “What happened was” and stop describing what someone is doing with, “What he did was.” I have heard several variations of these introductory phrases and they are all just as useless. I sometimes wonder how these grammatical fads catch on. But mostly, I just hate on them.

“What he did was he jumped over the fence to avoid the cops and as he was hurdling it, what happened was his shoe lace got caught on a wire and he slammed face first into the ground.”

What that is is it’s an example of wasting my time by assuming that I won’t know that “he jumped” is what he did, or that “his shoe lace got caught” is what happened.

What I want to know is I want to know why people speak like this. Because it sucks.

AM I RIGHT?

Recycle THIS

I am sick of this “go green” sh-t.

Seriously, green used to be my second favorite color, but I am so tired of hearing it in phrases like “go green,” “live green” and “think green” that I believe white now follows blue on my list of hue faves. And don’t tell me white is not a color, because then what is it, a flavor? Only in a bag of jelly beans…

I have seen “go green” more than any other phrase over the past year. I have seen it on garbage cans, shopping bags, web ads, and TV commercials. I have seen it on sweat shirts, t-shirts and jean skirts. I saw my cat, Smokey, give me a dirty look when I threw a recyclable water bottle in the trash. Then Smokey told me to get a Brita filter because of all the valuable natural resources used by plastic water bottle manufacturers.

I think it’s time for this green movement to fade to black. It has become so in-your-face main stream that I fear rappers will start associating green with the environment instead of money. It’s become such a tired cliche that I can’t even watch a Jets game anymore, fearing chants of “Go Green.” I believe consumers get the point; now America needs to cut back the green talk or I’ll start filling Smokey’s water dish with Dasani.

AM I RIGHT?

Mythology comes to life… sort of

A rare “unicorn deer” found in a Tuscany nature preserve has been getting a lot of media attention lately, and I am happy to bring you this news three days late.

The roe – cleverly named “Unicorn” – has a single horn protruding from the center of its forehead, which I guess makes the creature mildly intriguing. But clearly everyone has to be a little disappointed that this wasn’t a horse. That’s what a unicorn is, and horses don’t even have horns, so the animal would be way cooler than a “unicorn deer.”

In short, I say “Yawn.” Wake me up when they find the deer pictured below, which I call “Dragon.” Dragon deer are way more uncommon than unicorn deer, but far more dangerous. Which makes them, of course, more awesome.

Hiatus

My weblog is undergoing current inactivity. Please be patient as I try to find an apartment, as you know that I would be equally as patient if you were trying to find an apartment. But let me leave you tonight with the following quote:

“In a world of hope, happiness prevails.”

I just made that up like two nights ago while washing my hands for dinner. I think it sounds pretty important. If you ever use it, be sure to credit it to me. (I go by “Anonymous.”)