Black presidents

Well, since I last posted, the  name of the hardcore punk rock group Black President lost some of its “edge.” I won’t blame them for not thinking ahead, since I didn’t see this coming in 2005 either. I’ll just laugh at them in my head for trying to be hardcore with a name that now packs as much punch as Pink Eraser. Maybe they should have gone with something more fail-proof, like Parakeet President.

Speaking of black presidents and unintelligent decisions: Isiah Thomas.

The first few weeks of 2009 have shown that everyone on God’s green earth was correct in labeling former New York Knicks president and coach Isiah Thomas inadequate and ignorant. New Knicks president Donnie Walsh and Coach Mike D’Antoni have done everything Thomas wouldn’t do and everything Knicks fans wanted to do all along. Stephon Marbury was replaced by a pass-first point guard in Chris Duhon, cap space was cleared for 2010, and David Lee was given a starting spot and more minutes. Going into tonight’s game against the Sixers, the Knicks are 19-24. Last season, they finished 23-59. “I can’t expect [the fans] to understand the game the way I understand it or see it the way we see it,” said Coach Thomas last season. Turns out the fans understood the game better all along.

Fortunately, the unintelligent black president was merely the president of  a sports franchise.  A highly intelligent black president is the leader of our great nation.  Everyone – even punk rock supergroup Black President – should be thankful for that.

Continuing a tradition

Every December here at My Thoughts are like Champagne, I like to provide some help to those last minute thinkers who have yet to come up with a resolution for the upcoming year. This year’s resolution idea was inspired by my friend – a creative director for a new media company in the philanthropy field. Her company, which I’ll call Asdfghjkl;’ for privacy purposes, works to inspire donors to make a difference. Asdfghjkl;’ is committed to social change and aims to make an impact in the lives of others.

This year, I propose that you lend a helping hand to a stranger. For anyone who does not know me, please write me a quick comment if you can set me up with a job as an advertising copywriter, junior copywriter or copywriting assistant. I am a hard working, ambitious, talented, outgoing and whatever else the position requires. Actually, scratch outgoing. I am not very good in social situations, so it would be best if you could just sit me behind a computer in a small cubicle with little human interaction so that I can kick up my Nikes on a desk and scribble down some big ideas. A window would be nice.

If you do not have the means to get me a job as an advertising copywriter, the next best option might be to provide a helping hand at a local food pantry or to give money to a charitable organization such as Make a Wish.

What this is is it’s a rant

I have a way for you to use fewer words in your sentences:

Stop beginning stories with “What happened was” and stop describing what someone is doing with, “What he did was.” I have heard several variations of these introductory phrases and they are all just as useless. I sometimes wonder how these grammatical fads catch on. But mostly, I just hate on them.

“What he did was he jumped over the fence to avoid the cops and as he was hurdling it, what happened was his shoe lace got caught on a wire and he slammed face first into the ground.”

What that is is it’s an example of wasting my time by assuming that I won’t know that “he jumped” is what he did, or that “his shoe lace got caught” is what happened.

What I want to know is I want to know why people speak like this. Because it sucks.

AM I RIGHT?