I apologize for not writing anything for over a WEEK for you, my dedicated reader who adores my website. I am undergoing a job transition that has involved intense mental and physical preparation. Not really, but I have had to get to bed really early. (Not my style.)
Also not my style is the commute. I know that a lot of people take one- to two-hour bus or train rides to Manhattan, followed by a subway or two to their company locale (and the reverse on the way home) day in and day out for several years. If I do this for more than two months, I will likely fall into a depression. I absolutely hate it. So, umm… anyone living in or around the city looking for a roommate?
Anyway, I am too tired to go on writing right now. I just want to give a shout out to all the fine men and women who have more than a one hour train or bus commute to New York City every day, followed by a subway ride or two. This blog post was dedicated to you. You deserve a raise.
Last night was the 2008 Sprite Slam Dunk Contest. I find the dunk contest to be far more enjoyable than the NBA All Star Game, which I could be watching right now by pressing the power button on my remote. This year’s dunk show featured a cupcake, a mini-hoop, and a Superman cape. In other words — it did not disappoint.
The winner was Dwight Howard, whose Superman Dunk will go down as one of the most entertaining jams in the contest’s history. Holy sh-t, there are clearly BIRDS living in my attic and they NEED TO STOP CHIRPING.
Getting back on topic, Dwight was introduced as “Superman” before tonight’s All Star Game, so – love it or hate it – he has given himself a new nickname for life. Dwight “Superman” Howard – the new Shaquille “Superman” O’Neal.
The Superman Jam was inspired by Dwight’s “favorite song,” which is unfortunately “Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)” by Soulja Boy. To me, this song is the epitome of bad hip hop. But I am not a black man who enjoys hip hop clubs. I am a white man who enjoys rock concerts. So I won’t judge. Below is a clip of Dwight doing the ridiculous Soulja Boy dance.
If you watched that clip, you likely heard the phrase “Superman dat hoe.” Well, this is the lyric that inspired the dunk, and I’m sorry for having looked up the meaning of the phrase when the song first gained popularity. I suggest you don’t, unless you are a fan of degrading sexual acts. Then it’s understandable.
I admit that Dwight deserved the Dunk Contest crown, as his other dunks were equally – if not more – impressive than the caped throw down. But unfortunately, Superman’s showing overshadowed what I felt was the most creative dunk of the night, Gerald Green’s Cupcake Dunk. It’s just as hilarious as it sounds. If you missed it, I won’t ruin it for you. The video is below.
Since I mentioned Shaquille in this post, I am going to tell myself that it would be appropriate and justified to close this out with some Shaq quotes, care of Shaqquotes.com.
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.”
“I’m like the Pythagorean theorem. Not too many people know the answer to my game.”
“I am Superman.And the only thing that can kill Superman is Kryptonite.And Kryptonite doesn’t exist.”
“I’m on a mission. And I know the older I get, I may lose a step or two, but it’s all up in the medulla oblongata.I’ve got a lot up there. I’ve got a lot of knowledge… in this medulla oblongata.”
“Nietzsche was so intelligent and advanced.And that’s how I am. I’m the black, basketball-playing Nietzsche.”
Well yesterday was the best day I have had in years and likely the most ironic day I have had in my life. I don’t want to get into the details of it all, as I decided from the start not to make this a blog about my life. But here’s the juicy part:
I have been working at my current place of employment for a year now, and yesterday was the day of my annual review. At 1:30PM, I would meet with my boss and she would tell me how awesome I am at what I do. And I would get a three percent raise – maybe a little more since I’m so awesome. Or so I thought…
The day started off poorly. I had issues with the work that I was given, went to my supervisor, and together we met with a couple of women in my department to discuss my concerns. I don’t want to get into it any more than that but… not my ideal morning.
At 1:30, it was review time. I peaked into my manager’s office and found it empty. At 1:35, I looked into her office again. Empty again. At 1:36, my cell phone rang. It was a number that wasn’t saved in my phone, and I considered the possibility that it was the company I had interviewed for. What a time and place it would be if this was the call – (or THEE call). It was the call.
“Hi, this is ******. How are you? Is this a good time to talk?”
“Uh, haha, well I’m at work…”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“….but I can listen.”
“Well, I’m calling to offer you a job.”
Holy sh-t. On this day, I would not be getting a three percent raise. I was just offered a FIFTY percent raise. I was unaware of the salary of the position until the offer was presented to me. The simple fact that this position involved a lot of writing was enough, but this – this was something. It would be enough money for me to not only work in the Big Apple, but LIVE there soon too.
It was 1:40 when I got off the phone. My boss was in her office, and I stepped in for my annual review. Not wanting to waste her time, I started off by informing her that I would be peacing out. A tear fell from her eye and gently trickled down her cheek. Nah, I made that part up. But she expressed her disappointment as well as congratulations. I felt so high on life that I thought I was going to grow wings and fly around the office like in a Red Bull commercial.
I didn’t do any work for the remainder of the day. I tried, but I couldn’t. I just talked to my coworkers – my friends – about what had just happened and tried not to smile too hard. I tried not to get overexcited, as it is possible that I won’t like my new job. But I was just given a Big Break in my life. Finally. And I was going to soak it in and let it tingle.
Back to present tense — I am still soaking it in.
As I discussed in my post entitled “Stuck in Office Space,” I am an awful interviewee. Awful. Luckily, this company made the decision to weigh the written test more than the oral interview. I am so grateful for this and will do my best not to let them regret it for a second.
