Of toilet paper and cell phones

I just want to give some recognition to Cottonelle bath tissue. As much as I dislike taking the subway from Grand Central, Cottonelle’s “Be Kind to Your Behind” nontraditional ad campaign seems to lighten my mood a little bit each day.

The copy on the Cottonelle advertisements posted on the walls inside the terminal (and in subway cars, as seen here) is short enough to read while speed walking (the only brand of walking in New York) and is – for the most part – creatively and tastefully done. The posters feature Cottonelle’s trademark little white puppy dog on a white background with bold blue font. Bold and simplistic: the most effective combination for ad copy read on the go.

On a side note, I saw a billboard while riding the bus the other day that had approximately one hundred words of copy. I think I was able to read half of the first sentence. It looked like it was going to be interesting. Ah well.

Some of the more creative Cottonelle ads that I’ve seen over the past month read, “We shine where the sun don’t,” “Fetch. Roll. Sit.” and the one I can’t remember.

On the topic of Grand Central, there was this woman on the subway today who looked like she was in her mid forties but was dressed like she was in her mid twenties. She was sitting on the opposite side of the train car, singing an unrecognizable song while persistently bouncing her leg up and down. I came to the conclusion that she was on drugs. This led to the conclusion that she quite possibly was in her mid twenties. (I joke, but it truly is sad.)

As we exited the train, I saw the woman reach into her pocket and take out the SAME darn cell phone that I have, the unsightly camera-less phone that I have been meaning to discard and replace for two months now. The ones my friends have called an “ugly ass phone.” And this is when I realized that the whole situation was God’s way of telling me that only crack heads still have my cell phone. He works in mysterious ways.

3/31 Update: The Cottonelle ad that I couldn’t remember – “New Yorkers aren’t rude. They’re just using the wrong toilet paper.” Simple, funny, and appropriate for hectic Grand Central Terminal. I like it.

Going for gold

Wow, I’m really slacking on posting on this website of mine. The most important aspects of blogging are writing quality posts that will interest your readers and writing them on a fairly consistent basis. (I read an article about being a good blogger in the New York Times yesterday; I know my shit.) Well I obviously have the quality part covered. But the second part is what I need to work on, and I plan on doing so.

I have no excuse for not posting this weekend because I have off today for Good Friday, which I have thusly promoted to Great Friday. Be sure to update your calendars with the new name.

Great Friday happens to fall on one of the best sports days of the year, Day Two of the NCAA tournament, which makes the day especially great. Come to think of it, I am in front of my computer with the television off right now. That’s pretty stupid. I need to make sure my bracket does not embarrass itself like the “experts” who picked USC to win the Midwest region.

I was actually up way past my bedtime studying Bracketology on Wednesday night and was ridiculously tired at work the next day, so something good better come out of this. First place in my Yahoo Sports fantasy league would mean a lot to me and would further decorate my Yahoo Sports trophy case with another golden trophy. That is very important to me. My Yahoo Sports trophy case comes second to only family and friends.

GO BRUINS.

Yankees to sign Billy Crystal

Yeah, that headline certainly caught me off guard last night. The first thing I did was look above the article for the date; it honestly crossed my mind that it was April 1st. But no, it was March 10th, and on March 13th, the movie star – a lifelong Yankee fan – will celebrate his 60th birthday as #60 for the New York Yankees.

It will be a spring training game, of course, but it’s still a huge honor for any Yankee fan to actually be a Yankee.

“I’ve been waiting 50 years for this call,” he said in a statement released yesterday. “I’m overwhelmed by the generosity of the Yankees and commissioner Selig. I know this’ll be tougher than the Broadway Softball League, but I’m looking forward to helping the younger players. … which, by the way, is all of them. Oops, I have to go, Scott Boras is on the phone.”

Crystal has a ton of respect for the Yankee organization and he seems like a likable guy, so I can’t really say this unlikely birthday present bothers me. But I do think it’s kind of silly. I mean is this Crazy Town? If this was a man who had a week to live and his dying wish was to play a spring training game for the Yankees, then this would be an honorable and perhaps necessary gesture. But this is Billy Crystal. This is Harry from When Harry Met Sally… He only differs from several thousand other devoted Yankee fans because he’s famous. Will Spike Lee be playing point guard for the Knicks soon?

And from the perspective of all the great ballplayers who never make it to the major leagues, who never quite achieve their dream of signing with a Major League ball club, I feel like this would get me a little riled up. I’m talking about those hard working blue collar men who barely make enough to support their families but never let their children forget that time they almost made the Big Leagues. Almost.

Then there’s this Crystal character, a man who has had a fantastically fortunate life – a Tony Award, some Emmies, millions of dollars, you name it. And now: Happy 60th, here is another dream fulfilled.

That son of a b-tch.

Come to think of it, maybe this situation does bother me a little bit.

Nah, it’s just ridiculous…