Continuing a tradition

Every December here at My Thoughts are like Champagne, I like to provide some help to those last minute thinkers who have yet to come up with a resolution for the upcoming year. This year’s resolution idea was inspired by my friend – a creative director for a new media company in the philanthropy field. Her company, which I’ll call Asdfghjkl;’ for privacy purposes, works to inspire donors to make a difference. Asdfghjkl;’ is committed to social change and aims to make an impact in the lives of others.

This year, I propose that you lend a helping hand to a stranger. For anyone who does not know me, please write me a quick comment if you can set me up with a job as an advertising copywriter, junior copywriter or copywriting assistant. I am a hard working, ambitious, talented, outgoing and whatever else the position requires. Actually, scratch outgoing. I am not very good in social situations, so it would be best if you could just sit me behind a computer in a small cubicle with little human interaction so that I can kick up my Nikes on a desk and scribble down some big ideas. A window would be nice.

If you do not have the means to get me a job as an advertising copywriter, the next best option might be to provide a helping hand at a local food pantry or to give money to a charitable organization such as Make a Wish.

What this is is it’s a rant

I have a way for you to use fewer words in your sentences:

Stop beginning stories with “What happened was” and stop describing what someone is doing with, “What he did was.” I have heard several variations of these introductory phrases and they are all just as useless. I sometimes wonder how these grammatical fads catch on. But mostly, I just hate on them.

“What he did was he jumped over the fence to avoid the cops and as he was hurdling it, what happened was his shoe lace got caught on a wire and he slammed face first into the ground.”

What that is is it’s an example of wasting my time by assuming that I won’t know that “he jumped” is what he did, or that “his shoe lace got caught” is what happened.

What I want to know is I want to know why people speak like this. Because it sucks.

AM I RIGHT?

Recycle THIS

I am sick of this “go green” sh-t.

Seriously, green used to be my second favorite color, but I am so tired of hearing it in phrases like “go green,” “live green” and “think green” that I believe white now follows blue on my list of hue faves. And don’t tell me white is not a color, because then what is it, a flavor? Only in a bag of jelly beans…

I have seen “go green” more than any other phrase over the past year. I have seen it on garbage cans, shopping bags, web ads, and TV commercials. I have seen it on sweat shirts, t-shirts and jean skirts. I saw my cat, Smokey, give me a dirty look when I threw a recyclable water bottle in the trash. Then Smokey told me to get a Brita filter because of all the valuable natural resources used by plastic water bottle manufacturers.

I think it’s time for this green movement to fade to black. It has become so in-your-face main stream that I fear rappers will start associating green with the environment instead of money. It’s become such a tired cliche that I can’t even watch a Jets game anymore, fearing chants of “Go Green.” I believe consumers get the point; now America needs to cut back the green talk or I’ll start filling Smokey’s water dish with Dasani.

AM I RIGHT?