That reminds me – I think my new favorite phrase is “Son of a…” It’s child friendly. It gets some anger out while not including the actual curse, and it doesn’t sound lame. This is rare. If one attempts to repress a curse in another manner, he or she might be found exclaiming, “Oh poopy!” or “Fiddlesticks!” That shit will get you slapped.

So I’ve come to realize that I forgot about my blog because of Twitter. I joined Twitter in February, so it’s likely the cause. On the big T-bird, as I just decided to call it, I post random thoughts or links to articles daily. Previously, I probably would have blogged about a few of these ideas. What is disconcerting here is that I now realize that my thoughts can actually be expressed in 140 characters or less. I guess they’re not very elaborate. Ha.

If you’re wondering why I’m on Twitter, then you probably aren’t on it. If you are on Twitter, you’ve probably found that there is something there for everyone. I joined in order to learn more about advertising from industry professionals. Recently, however, I’m following more of a sophisticated crowd – people who make jokes about stuff like poop, sex and Tiger Woods. Some of these guys/girls are better than others. (Sween, for example, is brilliant and has a billion followers.) Making people laugh in 140 characters or less is an art, and fortunately for me, learning this art will only help in developing my copywriting skills. Headline writing must often be short and punchy. I read jokes and consider it work-related is what I’m saying here.

So that’s why I haven’t blogged since January. On Twitter, I can learn a lot and express my thoughts in a more condensed manner. It’s easier to write a quick line on the big T-bird than to write a long blog post like this. In closing, this entire post likely could have been summed up in a quick line. “Twitter killed my blog. Son of a…”

Speaking of black presidents and unintelligent decisions: Isiah Thomas.

The first few weeks of 2009 have shown that everyone on God’s green earth was correct in labeling former New York Knicks president and coach Isiah Thomas inadequate and ignorant. New Knicks president Donnie Walsh and Coach Mike D’Antoni have done everything Thomas wouldn’t do and everything Knicks fans wanted to do all along. Stephon Marbury was replaced by a pass-first point guard in Chris Duhon, cap space was cleared for 2010, and David Lee was given a starting spot and more minutes. Going into tonight’s game against the Sixers, the Knicks are 19-24. Last season, they finished 23-59. “I can’t expect [the fans] to understand the game the way I understand it or see it the way we see it,” said Coach Thomas last season. Turns out the fans understood the game better all along.

Fortunately, the unintelligent black president was merely the president of  a sports franchise.  A highly intelligent black president is the leader of our great nation.  Everyone – even punk rock supergroup Black President – should be thankful for that.

This year, I propose that you lend a helping hand to a stranger. For anyone who does not know me, please write me a quick comment if you can set me up with a job as an advertising copywriter, junior copywriter or copywriting assistant. I am a hard working, ambitious, talented, outgoing and whatever else the position requires. Actually, scratch outgoing. I am not very good in social situations, so it would be best if you could just sit me behind a computer in a small cubicle with little human interaction so that I can kick up my Nikes on a desk and scribble down some big ideas. A window would be nice.

If you do not have the means to get me a job as an advertising copywriter, the next best option might be to provide a helping hand at a local food pantry or to give money to a charitable organization such as Make a Wish.

Stop beginning stories with “What happened was” and stop describing what someone is doing with, “What he did was.” I have heard several variations of these introductory phrases and they are all just as useless. I sometimes wonder how these grammatical fads catch on. But mostly, I just hate on them.

“What he did was he jumped over the fence to avoid the cops and as he was hurdling it, what happened was his shoe lace got caught on a wire and he slammed face first into the ground.”

What that is is it’s an example of wasting my time by assuming that I won’t know that “he jumped” is what he did, or that “his shoe lace got caught” is what happened.

What I want to know is I want to know why people speak like this. Because it sucks.

AM I RIGHT?

Seriously, green used to be my second favorite color, but I am so tired of hearing it in phrases like “go green,” “live green” and “think green” that I believe white now follows blue on my list of hue faves. And don’t tell me white is not a color, because then what is it, a flavor? Only in a bag of jelly beans…

I have seen “go green” more than any other phrase over the past year. I have seen it on garbage cans, shopping bags, web ads, and TV commercials. I have seen it on sweat shirts, t-shirts and jean skirts. I saw my cat, Smokey, give me a dirty look when I threw a recyclable water bottle in the trash. Then Smokey told me to get a Brita filter because of all the valuable natural resources used by plastic water bottle manufacturers.

I think it’s time for this green movement to fade to black. It has become so in-your-face main stream that I fear rappers will start associating green with the environment instead of money. It’s become such a tired cliche that I can’t even watch a Jets game anymore, fearing chants of “Go Green.” I believe consumers get the point; now America needs to cut back the green talk or I’ll start filling Smokey’s water dish with Dasani.

AM I RIGHT?

The roe – cleverly named “Unicorn” – has a single horn protruding from the center of its forehead, which I guess makes the creature mildly intriguing. But clearly everyone has to be a little disappointed that this wasn’t a horse. That’s what a unicorn is, and horses don’t even have horns, so the animal would be way cooler than a “unicorn deer.”

In short, I say “Yawn.” Wake me up when they find the deer pictured below, which I call “Dragon.” Dragon deer are way more uncommon than unicorn deer, but far more dangerous. Which makes them, of course, more awesome.

“In a world of hope, happiness prevails.”

I just made that up like two nights ago while washing my hands for dinner. I think it sounds pretty important. If you ever use it, be sure to credit it to me. (I go by “Anonymous.”)

The first of the series of commercials to catch my attention features a HARD-hitting track by rapper/poet Saul Wiliams (a Newburgh, NY native) and can be seen here. As a fan of (but by no means expert on) intelligent hip hop, I remember when this song, List of Demands, dropped back in 2004. I was hooked. Its intense base riff and just-as-intense lyrics were, and still are, like nothing I have ever heard. Commercials often seem to blend into one another, and agencies put so much time and money into making their spots memorable, but sometimes a stand out track like this is all that is needed.

The SPARQ commercial that really motivated me to write a blog post, however, was this one:

I find Steve Nash absolutely hilarious in this commercial. Everything he does and says (or rather, the way in which he says it) is awesome. I remember reading in some advertising book about how Nike became cool by being cool, not by saying they were cool. The legacy continues.

The contraction of “would have” is “would’ve,” which laziness of the mind makes people think is “would of.” The difference cannot be heard, but it can be seen. I just saw it in the Daily News the other day. It was written in a quote, but you can’t blame the person who spoke it, because “would’ve” and “would of” are borderline homophones. I’d opt for the NY Times more often if it was $1 rather than $1.25. I rarely have a quarter on me and would rather not break a dollar. Bad marketing as I see it.

While in teacher mode, I want to also tell you all to wear your seat belts, even when in the back seat of a car, and be sure to recycle your plastic water bottles rather than throwing them in the waste basket. Also, marijuana should not be used in excess unless you are at a concert where everyone else is doing it or if you are really stressed out.

The copy on the Cottonelle advertisements posted on the walls inside the terminal (and in subway cars, as seen here) is short enough to read while speed walking (the only brand of walking in New York) and is – for the most part – creatively and tastefully done. The posters feature Cottonelle’s trademark little white puppy dog on a white background with bold blue font. Bold and simplistic: the most effective combination for ad copy read on the go.

On a side note, I saw a billboard while riding the bus the other day that had approximately one hundred words of copy. I think I was able to read half of the first sentence. It looked like it was going to be interesting. Ah well.

Some of the more creative Cottonelle ads that I’ve seen over the past month read, “We shine where the sun don’t,” “Fetch. Roll. Sit.” and the one I can’t remember.

On the topic of Grand Central, there was this woman on the subway today who looked like she was in her mid forties but was dressed like she was in her mid twenties. She was sitting on the opposite side of the train car, singing an unrecognizable song while persistently bouncing her leg up and down. I came to the conclusion that she was on drugs. This led to the conclusion that she quite possibly was in her mid twenties. (I joke, but it truly is sad.)

As we exited the train, I saw the woman reach into her pocket and take out the SAME darn cell phone that I have, the unsightly camera-less phone that I have been meaning to discard and replace for two months now. The ones my friends have called an “ugly ass phone.” And this is when I realized that the whole situation was God’s way of telling me that only crack heads still have my cell phone. He works in mysterious ways.

3/31 Update: The Cottonelle ad that I couldn’t remember – “New Yorkers aren’t rude. They’re just using the wrong toilet paper.” Simple, funny, and appropriate for hectic Grand Central Terminal. I like it.